Do n’t you just love how much Pandora know about you and your taste in music , and the terrible memories from your past times it conjures up found on a magical algorithmic program ? So doesMcSweeney ’s Sarah Rosenshine .
“ One ( Is The Loneliest Number ) ”
THREE DOG nighttime
Thanks , Pandora ! But I ’m going to have to say “ No ” on this one . I know you thought I ’d like it because of its R&B influences and acoustical rhythm pianissimo , and while normally I ’d go groundless for acoustic rhythm piano , this is the song that used to go through my head teacher when Mike and I would be sitting in his car at the end of an epic 11 - hour date with nothing leave to say because we ’d just spent the last 11 hours together . And when I finally got out of the gondola I ’d always be thinking , Maybe that ’s a bad sign that a call about the misery of being in a relationship is stuck in my head ? But then I ’d conceive , No , that ’s ridiculous , it ’s just its very efficient use of call and reply vocal concordance .
“ Paint It Black ”
THE ROLLING STONES
Oh , no ! This is what I play on repetition that night he called me drunkenly from across the metropolis and told me he wanted to “ Take a break ” and then made out with Katelynn at a party . Then he put this Sung on the Forgive me pls flux compact disk he made and I guide that as a sign of the zodiac that maybe it was mean to be , but I manifestly should have just take away it as a sign that we had both hear that unearthly Muzak version of it that afternoon in Panera . Katelynn ! Of all the girls in the world , why would you ever lift up with a girl whose name defies all reason like that ? THUMBS DOWN .
“ Float On ”
MODEST MOUSE
Hello ? Pandora ? Do the words “ Technical virginity ” and “ 1996 Toyota Camry ” mean nothing to you ?
“ Message In A Bottle ”
THE law
“ Your Song ”
ELTON JOHN
Dammit , Pandora . Come on ! This was my babe ’s wedding song ! This was make for when Rachel and Todd were first dance and it was so cute and then I peek over at Mike and hop that maybe in a duet years our families would be watching us dance to another song with mild rhythmical syncopation and acoustic vibrancy but instead last week he dumped me over Gchat . Oh , God .
“ Ca n’t Take My oculus Off Of You ”
FRANKIE VALLI
Now you ’ve done it , Pandora . You guys are ghastly . This chromatic sympathetic social structure is completely overpowering and it reminds me of the fact that sometimes Mike look at my center . THUMBS DOWN . What ? I ’ve pass my skip limit ? Hey , I ’ll tell you when I ’ve reach my limit , Pandora , which is when , after two and a half year together , Mike starts say things like , “ I never imagine us staying together this long when we first startle date ” and “ I still do n’t know why you followed me to Phoenix ” and “ You ’ve always been destitute , it ’s just never trouble me before . ” That ’s my limit , and not some arbitrarily predetermine amount of Song dynasty based on music licenses and right of first publication law . So skip over it . No ? Okay .
“ I go for You conk out ”
BLOODHOUND crew
Oh , this is in effect . I like this . Please keep playing songs and artists with melodic quality similar to this one . Thanks , Pandora . You ’re the best .
McSweeney ’s is an independent publisher free-base in San Francisco that publishes books , a quarterly fiction journal , a quarterly film DVD magazine publisher , a monthly culture magazine , and a day-by-day bodily fluid internet site . The McSweeney ’s iPhone app is useable through the Apple memory . For more information , visitmcsweeneys.net .
Shutterstock / Ana Blazic
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