CSI : Cyber ’s double - header finale has everything wonderfully horrible about this tongue-tied , paranoid tarradiddle sandwich of a show : Overwrought melodrama , rinse tech jargon , amusing computer graphic , an extensive array of stylish vests , and Oscar Winner ™ Patricia Arquette grimacing her way through a sinewy career mistake with sang-froid .
I have to go some very spoiled news about one core element of CSI : Cyber nuttiness . This is the last we ’ll see of telly ’s most aggressively inept high - ranking federal agent . Peter MacNicol will no longer pluck up a payroll check for play a character who has done literally nothing to deserve one , and/or the writer at long last take in Sifter serve no aim other than satisfy the show ’s befuddlement close - up quota .
RIP Stavros Sifter , you were too beautiful . And your first name was Stavros .
“ i will remember u ” – sarah maclaughlin
The episode opens in Detroit , where Avery and Mundo vanish to deal with a power outage due to someone hacking the city ’s electricity power grid . The power outage is a mask for a jewellery memory robbery , but the thief ends up killing the jewelry storehouse owner ’s son .
When the gang goes to inquire , they discover that the thief was after something even more arbitrarily valuable than diamonds : A laptop computer with $ 500,000 worth of Bitcoin .
The stealer stole the Bitcoin from the laptop computer ( which , if the jeweler kept $ 500,000 in it and take away the bother of set it in a good , why would n’t they have a password - protect wallet ? ) and jounce , transfer it to a new pocketbook with two passwords .
Luckily , Krummy knows that it ’s not impossible to trace Bitcoins , so he finds the thief ’s wallet in a minute of arc . “ The biggest misconception about Bitcoins is that it ’s anonymous , that ’s why it ’s the preferred currency in the cryptic web . It ’s used to fund drug deals , stumble human beings , human trafficking — but it ’s not really that anon. . ” Oh my god , did Krummy readmy ranton the traceability of Bitcoins ? ? ?
( Of course , Sifter [ RIP ] needs an explanation of how the blockchain turn . Sifter would never interpret Gizmodo.com )
do you even mine bro
turn out the now - beat boy convinced his parent to transfer their retreat savings into Bitcoin . “ He say Bitcoin was the currentness of the future , ” the old jeweler laments . “ But now — my son was kill over this imaginary currency ! ”
The jewelry storage owner ’s other , alive son haaaates Bitcoin . “ I knew those damn Bitcoins were a bad idea ! ” he yells .
Then he hires two “ Bitcoin bounty hunter ” to retrieve the money for his parent , set off a string of violence , since Bitcoin premium hunters are manifestly not to be dally with . They rack the thief , who hides the digital currency on a botnet he ’s created . The FBI ca n’t figure out which two computers out of 20,000 infected machines are the ones that the bounty hunters will place until they infect themselves .
very naturalistic delineation of how to infect your gimmick with a botnet . almost TOO realistic .
Once they do that , there ’s a dramatic showdown where Krummy run around and shoots a guy . All is well that ends well , and Nelson deadening - dances with a tablet .
Also at the beginning of this episode , Raven ( the other girlfriend hacker whose name I never remember ) congratulates Nelson for work for the Cybercrimes Division for TWO MONTHS . That mean all of the shit we ’ve seen is supposed to have happen within 60 days .
But prick is about to get PERSONAL … …… …… ..
Every unmarried installment of this sacred program come out with Special Agent Avery Ryan giving her tragical spiel / narratively convenient backstory about how deep hackers destroy her psychological science practice / life by leaking her patient ’ filing cabinet .
Well , it turns out the psychological science - hatin ’ hacker are back , and this time they ’re liberate audio from another psychologist ’s therapy session . And , of track , it begin bad : The hacker have gone for round of golf 2 in ruining the life of people seek professional help for managing their mental health as a agency to attract Avery ’s attending . Nelson finds this out by using a Bluetooth sniper rifle data - scooper he ’s somehow procure for personal purpose to data - snipe Avery ’s FBI laptop .
seriously where did he get this
All season , Avery has been supernaturally good at identifying when people are lying and when people are innocent based on the flimsiest motion and vocal intonation . Yet she has no theme that one of her former patient role hacked her until she ’s arrived at a creepy warehouse recreation of her office , and even once she knows its a former patient , she does n’t know who it is .
What ’s more , it turns out the former patient became a cyberpunk solely because he was in dear with Avery and desire to get laid more about her . So much so that he ’s lured her to his spooky industrial geographical zone of psychosis in guild to die with her , via carbon monoxide poisoning .
Avery jacks him on the head with a refreshment of her old name home plate , though , and handle to call Mundo to let him get laid the address of the warehouse . Her stalker goes to gaol , and she goes home — only to find her ex-husband - husband , whose creation we only discovered this installment . Now that her old tragic backstory is resolved , the writers festinate to give her a young one : Turns out she had a kid who died in ambiguous circumstances . She and her husband hug and exclaim about their dead nestling and it ’s a jolly uncheerful time of year - capper , but THEN — the scenery cut to Krummy develop into a car with his sobbing sister . She killed the murderer of their parents and wants to give him the gun !
This looks like setting Krummy up for hella going to clink next season , which sounds boring . BUT here is some good word : While we will forever mourn the loss of Sifter , Ted Danson will be conjoin the mold next season , likely as a monkey of some renown .
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