ForNiecy Nash, divorce was about putting herself first.
On Thursday, theClawsstar opened up about her split from her husband, Jay Tucker, in a tearful speech at the 2020EssenceBlack Women in Hollywood Awards Luncheon.
Nash, 49, was accepting the Vanguard Award at the bash, which was held at the Beverly Wilshire hotel in Beverly Hills, California, as a slew of famous faces — like Kerry Washington, Jenifer Lewis, Billy Porter, Issa Rae, Eve, and Vanessa A. Williams — looked on.
In October, Nash and Tucker revealed that they were going their separate ways after eight years of marriage. “In this season of our lives, we are better friends than partners in marriage,” they said at the time. “Our union was such a gorgeous ride. And as we go our separate ways now, we feel fortunate for the love we share — present tense.”
The decision, Nash said on Thursday, was a tough one because so many people had perceived them to be the perfect couple. Even her family had said things to her like, “‘But y’all look so good together…”, “Well, if the man ain’t beating you…”, and “What are you leaving for?”
“The untethering from my family’s beliefs, the internet’s expectations and my marriage ending caused me so much pain,” Nash said, recalling how she had told her family, “‘But what about my happiness?’ ”
Niecy Nash.Randy Shropshire/Getty
Leaning into that pain helped Nash heal and grow.
“I’m not quite sure why it’s our instinct to run from pain instead of realizing it’s a barometer for all the bulls— we allow,” she said. “I was thinking that maybe if we didn’t see pain as a punishment, we could welcome it with open arms. We can sit with it and take copious notes. For me, pain is ‘putting all things in necessary order.’ It will ultimately stretch you, it will grow you and it will make you better.”
Getting to the other side of it required a few steps, which Nash laid out.
She explained: “Here’s what you do. One, you acknowledge how you feel. Two, you got to know that your feelings are not facts. But rather the fact lies in why you feel the thing in the first place. You got to be transparent.”
“Trust that it is so much easier to walk in your truth than it is to run towards a lie,” she continued. “Make decision about what you now know. You gotta own the part you play, that’s important. You gotta forgive yourself and others. Get professional help if you need it. … You get busy being better for yourself and for all those who are coming after you.”
Leon Bennett/Getty
“There was a sisterhood that happened and it absolutely blessed me where I was,” she said. “God loves me because the women that I call my village, I love those women.”
Another person who helped Nash?Oprah Winfrey, who started her down that journey early when she asked Nash, “Who are you without a man?”
“I said, ‘Girl, I don’t know,’ ” Nash recalled responding, pointing to that question as a motivating factor for her self-exploration.
That “generational curse” has changed now, Nash said, for her daughters.
“I realized that I did the thing when my daughter said to me, ‘I am so proud of you and I want to be just like you when I grow up,’ ” Nash said. “You will always be the thing, whether you have a man or not. Whether you have one chasing you, it does not matter. You’re the thing and you get up every single day and you choose yourself and you teach your children how to do the same.”
Jay Tucker and Niecy Nash.Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic
Tucker, an electrical engineer, andNash got engaged in 2010. Months later, the pairtied the knotat an outdoor afternoon ceremony at the Church Estate Vineyard in Malibu in May 2011.
The marriage was Nash’s second. She and her first husband, Don Nash, split in 2007. They share three children together.
Looking back now, Nash only sees a bright future ahead.
“I am so full of gratitude,” said theReno 911!alum, who turns 50 on Feb. 23. “I know myself better and more fully than I ever have before. I shared the details of my journey. I was a human being transitioning into a human becoming, becoming the thing that the women in my family before me have yet to become.”
“I have never been better in my entire life and I don’t belong to nobody but myself,” she said. “Oftentimes in this place, I think about The Last Supper. Jesus prayed, he broke it. He gave it to the people and that is how I feel. I feel like God took me and he broke and he gave me back to the people better than I was before.”
source: people.com
